Lesbians Admit Plot to Overtake Private Ambulance Industry

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The Gay Community has made major strides towards equality in the past few years, recently winning the right to marry in all states. But the LGBT movement may have sustained a black-eye this week, thanks to GLADO.

Not to be confused with GLAD, the Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders; GLADO stands for the Gay and Lesbian Ambulance Drivers Organization. This week, a whistle-blower admitted that the organization had been executing a plot over the past ten years to overtake the private ambulance industry.

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, she who calls herself “Chris” admitted the whole plan to B&S Reporters. Chris states that back in 2006, GLADO outlined a plan to fight the “overwhelming machismo present in EMS and Fire.” The plan would be to penetrate the private medical transport industry, serving as a counterpoint to the predominantly male fire departments. Largely viewed as “ambulance drivers” the lesbian community decided to embrace the already negative connotation and combine that the then-less-accepted LGBT community. “We figured, it was time to tip the scales.” said Chris.

GLADO

GLADO

Indiana Law Makers and other Bible belt states are moving quickly to force GLADO members to identify their squads and uniforms with the symbol shown above. The intention, of course, is to allow patients the right to refuse transport by these EMTs based on the Religious Freedom Act. “Unfortunately, that rainbow star puts us in a real gray area, legally speaking,” argues Geoff Lingerbottom, Head of Communications for Hoosier Orthopedic and Medical Operations. The ambulance service founded 20 years before “Love Won” is a medical transport company based in the metropolitan Indianapolis area. “Paramedics have a duty to act on behalf of sick people, but giving the patients the right to refuse gay paramedics from taking them to the hospital could be a deadly mistake,” reiterates Lingerbottom.

GLADO whistle-blower Chris seemed unconcerned about this possibility. “Most of our patients think I’m a man, and they can’t see that well anyway.”

GLADO claims to have over 17,000 members that are currently working in EMS throughout the country. When asked how LGBT EMTs are treated by straight EMTs, Chris says “Oh, just fine. I have never really been discriminated against. GLADO just wants to be prepared for any future discrimination. We are prepared for even the tiniest slight or misspoken word.”

Chris was proud to reveal GLADO’s new motto to the B&S crew. “Hell no, we won’t go. Except to the hospital.”

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Prestor John
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