Lindgate, NV—After a successful 90 day problem solving project that reduced transgender prostitution complaints by .015% in a targeted Lindgate neighborhood by installing a floodlight behind a gas station, Lindgate Police Officer Kenneth Riggs has reportedly identified problem oriented policing as a problem for his next Community Policing project.
“My Lieutenant’s going to be pissed,” said Officer Riggs. “After our award banquet for successfully reducing barking dog complaints last year by three percent, I began to question the use of our resources and thought the number of officers sitting behind a desk rather than patroling the streets is a problem we need to address.”
That’s when Officer Riggs utilized the popular SARA Model approach and entered the problem of problem oriented policing into the department problem solving database, forcing his own unit to evaluate themselves.
Lindgate Police Lieutenant Darla Ball of the Lindgate Community Poicing Unit is in fact reportedly pissed. “It’s awkward analyzing the problem of problem oriented policing, especially when the analysis actually shows that you are a big problem,” said Ball. “You wouldn’t believe the man hours and overtime we spend using armed, sworn officers to analyze calls for service and then manipulate time windows that best reflect numbers that appear to resolve a problem.”
Lieutenant Ball added that the jig is up and she might be forced to retire rather than go back to patrol. “When I was in the academy I dreamed of a desk job so when community policing became big I was in full support. Now what am I going to do?”
Utilizing community resources and community shareholders is a large part of the problem solving process. So far, every business in Lindgate has taken the opportunity assist Officer Riggs with his latest project. Sam Reynolds of Sam’s Pizza said he never fully participated in any other projects from the Community Policing Unit, but he’s excited to be a part of Officer Riggs’ project.
“I’ve got 12 flood lights in my back parking lot,” said Mr. Reynolds. “Every time I’m a victim of a crime they say to improve my lighting – you can see my parking lot from space. How about just arresting people who break the law?” offered Reynolds.
Lindgate Police Chief David Freid said they will consider arresting law breakers like the old days in the response element of the project. Until then Chief Freid said, “Keep your yards well lit and remove valuables in your vehicles from plain sight. Barbed wire fencing, safe rooms, and praying to God are also good practices.”